Why Can't I Let Go of Him?

codependency people pleasing Jun 18, 2021

Even though the relationship is over, and you know you made the right choice to leave, or to stay away, why is it still so hard to let it go?

The brain prefers familiarity over freedom.

The brain prefers to have a sense of identity - even if that identity causes pain.

The brain really doesn't like it when the body takes over and feels.

There's kind of nothing worse than feeling empty.

But that's what happens when we break up. Feeling empty is worse to the brain than feeling drained. When we feel drained, we still perceive ourselves to have a purpose. When we feel empty, the brain can't wrap itself around any reason for us to exist. That's dangerous. If we have no uses, why are we even here?

This is why we can't let them go.

But we must.

When I say, "feeling 'empty,'" I don't mean the type of "empty" you think of when you hear, "Empty yourself and let the Universe fill you." To me, this looks like: sit down to get quiet and meditate, empty your mind, detach from whatever you feel attached to in the moment, and say you're letting go of whatever you aren't, and letting in whatever you are. 

In my humblest of opinions that's a load of horse shit anyway, or we'd all be enlightened. Am I right?

I'm talking about the kind of "empty" they mean when they say, "Empty yourself and let the Universe fill you."

They mean the kind where you actually don't know who you are anymore.

You know what you used to like. You know what you want to like. You know what you think you should like. But you don't know what you like. You don't feel identified with your past, but you have no idea what's coming for you in the future. You don't even know what's going on right now

Sitting and meditating is NOT what you need to do to empty yourself. You need to feel empty.

Letting go of the person isn't the problem.

Letting go of the YOU that let that person in is the problem. But it's a problem that can be solved. 

It must be solved.

To solve it, feel. All the way. Flood yourself with raw emotion. Do this alone, or with trusted friends, but alone can be best. 

Grieve. Grieve for the life you dreamed and never experienced. Grieve for the love you had and have and always will have. Grieve for the time you spent draining your reserves and losing yourself to making someone else's life better. Grieve for the soul you left behind. Grieve.

Rage. Rage for all the same. Rage for all the girls who were taught that being quiet was what good girls do. Rage for the collective destruction of the wild feminine psyche. Rage for the mothers left to birth and raise their children alone. Rage for the destruction of the Earth Mother. Rage, sister. RAGE.

I'm going to be exploring the idea of "Rage" in my Facebook group this week. 

Last week, I dove into how the definition of "Co-Dependency" and co-dependent behaviors are not aligned and actually keep us stuck in co-dependency!

Join these and other self-empowering conversations in the group by clicking HERE.

Until then, thank you so much for Being Boundless with me,


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